In honor of a certain film arriving in theatres this weekend, please enjoy this pun-filled ode to a galaxy far, far away.
The ORANGE MENACE continues his relentless pursuit of power. RUSSIANS to cover up the true depths of his treacherous alliance with the Federation, he dispatches his General ackBARR to PUTIN place an inSIDIOUS plan of obstruction.
Defying the Galactic Congress, he issues Executive Order 13767 in order TOUPEE for his BORDER MAUL, a Debt Star with enough waste to destroy a nation’s entire economy. Looking for exoneration in ALDERAAN places, he implements a desperate campaign to distract and deceive the good people of the New Republic. FIGHT BACK →
However, the RESISTANCE stands strong against this rising tyranny, not giving into the Dark Side. Back in Fog City, CHIU-BACCA, along with his trusty droid AB-1482, joins his fellow Jedi Legislators to protect citizens across the galaxy. Meanwhile, the Congress, led by SPEAKER PELOSI, continue their quest to bring the guilty conspirators to justice.
Please join me, my son LUCAS, my father HAN and Team Chiu-Bacca today. Together we can restore freedom to the galaxy, regardless of what star system you are from.